Waaaaaay back in the 'olden-days'.... or about five years ago, I was really into writing songs. I guess I just loved the satisfaction of coming up with a heart-rending melody, and putting in the poetry I had imagined over a previous stroll into the canola fields, or during a jog down to the train tracks.
Sometimes, these days, as I am showering or cleaning alone, a song of mine from earlier years will pop into my head. And sometimes, like today, the lyrics I had written without much thought so many years ago, suddenly have such depth and meaning to my present relationship with God- it's amazing!
I remember writing this song from the perspective of God- or rather, my interpretation of it. I can't remember it having any amazing, impacting revelation on my personal Christian walk at the time, but now, looking back on the words, it all has much greater meaning. In fact, as I was humming it to myself trying to remember those words I had come up with years ago, it brought me to tears.
Run into my open arms
I've been waiting here for you
It's been so long, you've been so lost
and I've really missed you.
It's been years since you last said a word to me,
You've pushed me out of your life!
I could wait for all eternity . . .
but you don't have that much time.
That was the chorus. I believe I titled the song, "Prodigal Son." I was inspired by Brian Litrell's "Welcome Home." I just loved the picture of a son who had been gone for so long, squandering his possessions and savings and ruining his life, and coming home thinking he would be a disgrace to his Father. The response still chokes me up. That picture of a Father with tears of joy in his eyes, sprinting down the street to embrace his little boy who he's been dying to see.
And so it is with God. He could wait for eternity for us to come back to Him, but we don't have that much time. We have a miniature stretch of years in the grand scheme of history. How much of that miniature stretch is spent in our loving Father's arms? My answer would be: NOT ENOUGH.
Sometimes I like to curl up on my bed, and just imagine the literal arms of God wrapping around me like a small child. It is such an amazing, comforting picture. I forget about that image throughout the day- only praying when I feel obliged to. But God is our Father- our perfect Father! Of course He wants to hear from us, He wants us to be vulnerable and share whatever is on our hearts, He wants to know our troubles and weaknesses. In our weaknesses, and only then, can we look up and see the strength of the Almighty.
2 Corinthians 12:9 ~
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me.
It saddens me to know that God is always beside me, eager for me to turn to Him and tell Him about my troubles. Not facebook, not friends, not my journal, not my music, Him! He's waiting with open arms thinking, "Oh, is she going to see me? Guess not.... oh, now? Is she going to pray? Is she going to read my love letter? No, she's just going to sleep again." I can just feel His sighs. He knows that the way to fulfillment and happiness is through Him, and He longs to see us happy! So imagine how troublesome it is for Him to see us waste our chances at peace and rest and love so often?
I've been writing blog posts for over a year now- but I don't want to just write blog posts. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm writing posts about someone I don't even know. It makes zero sense. I want to be writing about my best friend, my Father, my Savior. I want to be writing about my Lord and my God, someone who I spend most of my time with. That's not happening as of now, but I so badly want it to.
It's crazy how easily I forget that the most amazing moments in my life were those moments I spent alone in prayer, or those moments when I took the time to kneel and worship, or those moments I took to explore God's word. I've had so many of those beautiful moments, and though the stress and worries in my life were still there, they were completely drowned out in those moments.
People buy magazines, look for tips on the internet, and get psychiatric help to try to find a moment like that. We have the answer, and we hardly use it! I have the answer sitting right beside my bed, and it still takes effort to put into practice! I often go to bed, tossing and turning for hours, worrying over tests or exams or pains or friends, when the opportunity to get a great big hug from the God of the Universe is always there.
"If a man has 100 sheep, but one of the sheep becomes lost, then the man will leave the other 99 sheep on the hill. He will go to look for the lost sheep. Right? And if the man finds the lost sheep, the man is happier about that one sheep than about the 99 sheep that were never lost. I tell you the truth. In the same way, your Father in heaven does not want any of these little children to be lost."
The story of the prodigal son still manages sometimes to leave me curled up on my bed, crying like a baby.
But you know . . . maybe those moments when we make ourselves vulnerable and weak are the best moments to be cradled by the Everlasting Arms.