Yesterday evening ended exactly the same way all the other regretful evenings have. With perfectly good intentions of spending time with God alone, reading my Bible and praying before going to bed- I somehow... got busy. Again. 

It started with checking Facebook. From there, I realized I should probably shower. Things went downhill fast from there. I of course had a sudden biting curiosity concerning the Olympics, so after retreating to my computer again to check the medal count for Canada, I just had to go see what events I could watch on TV. Hey, look! Men's Free Skate and Alpine Skiing Slalom? Count me in!

Of course, by the time I finished all this pointlessness, which included enjoying some tea and chatting with friends and family... I was far too tired for any God-time.

Whose child am I? Really? This is a hard thing to write, but it's a scary realization taken straight from John 8:42 - 44, 47

Jesus told them, "If God were your Father, you would love me because I have come to you from God. I am not here on my own, but He sent me. Why can't you understand what I am saying? It's because you can't even hear m! For you are the children of your Father the devil, and you love to do the evil things He does. Anyone who belongs to God listens gladly to the words of God. But you don't listen because you don't belong to God.

That is freaky. Terrifying, really. There have been many times that I have not listened 'gladly' to the words of God. Yesterday evening was one of those times. 

I would love to identify myself as the Child of the loving, compassionate, perfect, holy, almighty God... but am I just kidding myself? In verse 44 Jesus describes the devil as "a murderer from the beginning. He has always hated the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, it is consistent with his character, for he is a liar and the father of lies." That is the description of the father of those who do not belong to God.

I don't belong to the devil. He is not my father. But unfortunately, I could be labeled by the descriptions of those who belong to the devil. If that's the case, there's something wrong! I want to be 100% God's, not 50%, not 75%, not 99.9%. 100% and I don't want to settle for anything less than that. Basically, that means I don't want to settle for the way I've been handling my personal devos for the past long while. I don't want there to be any confusion of whose child I am. I want it to be black and white- as clear as rain.

I know I belong to God- but I also know that I do a pretty bad job of proving it. I run to my friends for advice, I look online for tips and help in life, I listen to music and try to solve my problems on my own. but "Anyone who belongs to God listens gladly to the words of God." I do belong to God, but here is one place where I fall short constantly.

I have the opportunity for perfect peace and comfort every second of every day, but I still try to seek refuge in things that will not pacify, nor comfort me. It's the irony that so many Christians find themselves trapped in.

Psalm 1 ~
Oh, the joys of those who do not follow the advice of the wicked,
or stand around with sinners,
or join in with mockers.
But they delight in the law of the Lord,
meditating on it day and night.
They are like trees planted along the riverbanke,
bearing fruit each season. Their leaves never wither,
and they prosper in all they do.

Wow. So maybe that gives a clearer picture of why we aren't experiencing abundant joy. It's because we DO follow the advice of the wicked. We DO join in with mockers. We don't always delight in the law of the Lord, and we don't meditate on it day and night.
However, all those things that we don't do, are the exact things we need to do to have joy, and to prosper. These are the descriptions of the children of God. These should be the descriptions of me. I'm working at that.

. . . . I'm looking for a joyful evening tonight!