My first post last year, which also was the first post ever, I titled "Satisfied?" It was the whole reason that I had started my own blog. I was restless. I felt trapped in a 15-year-old body in a bubble-wrapped town, and I felt the urge to go out into the big wild world and do something.
I've grown this year. I can now honestly eliminate the adjective "bubble-wrapped" to describe my town, as I've made many discoveries. My ignorance has been lessened a great deal, and my eyes have been opened to things going on all around me. I was surrounded by that which I thought was reserved for foreign communities. I've been exposed to things that I had never known existed and it pains me to know the truth... but there is a part of me that was awakened and exited to know of the presence of such evils in my own neighborhood. It gave me a purpose and a chance not to go out into all the world, but to go out into my own town and spread the gospel.
I've been introduced to great needs all around. I've been educated in the struggles and terrifying experiences of people that I've known for years and years, but I had never had a clue that they had been going through these trials. I learned how real sin is, and that it is here. I was able to see firsthand the flaws and weakness of humans. In the people I thought were invincible and had everything they could ever want... their struggles shocked me.
I was frightened and amazed that this had been going on under my nose, and I must have been the most naive person here. I literally had no idea. Oh, the things I could have said to them, had I only known! Oh, the things I would have kept from saying, had I been aware of what they were going through!
And now that the world has been revealed to me as a much darker, dirtier place than it looked to me last year, I have a clear-cut mission. I have a task. But I'm still satisfied with my life. Though I wanted to cry and reach out to those who told me their stories, there was a part of me that thought, "Boy, I have such a great life compared to them. Good thing I have the family I do."
I should not be satisfied with my life. I should be thankful, more thankful than I am right now, but not satisfied with my present way of living. Now that I know that these things exist and are happening to my peers and close friends, I have more of a reason than ever to do something. Writing at a blog safely from my room is not enough.
Nothing I do will ever do enough, which is great news. It means I can always give more. Always. Opportunity is knocking on my safely closed door to my cozy, warm house. That means opportunity knocks from outside. It knocks from the cold. It knocks from the hungry and the weak, and the only way to seize it is to leave my satisfaction behind.
After my mission trip to Guatemala, I discovered that I felt more alive in the grueling work and exhausting days than in my dancing and schoolwork back at home. Stepping out of my comfort zone and actually following Christ to the poor and needy gave me so much more pleasure and joy than in good grades and friendships. Why do I lose sight of that, and still search for happiness in my material goods?
Lord, teach me to desire the task of reaching out to the lost much more than my household items or material things in a store. I want to crave the saving of souls and the act of showing love to the unloved much more than accomplishments, good grades, and popularity. That way, I won't be satisfied with what I have... I won't be satisfied with these things that have no meaning. The only satisfaction I ever want is to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant." I know that your approval and joy comes from seeing your followers give up their lives for your sake, not do everything in their power to improve their own lives.
“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
That's my New Year's resolution. Actually, that's my life's purpose.