6 . 27 . 2013

In less than 48 hours, we will be in Guatemala. The countdown is ticking. Why am I not feeling as excited as I expected?
     I remember the first time I went on a mission's trip, I was beyond excited. I would stay up, late into the night, just giggling to myself in excitement. I couldn't wait. (I would do that, even six months before we left.) I was in grade 5, then.
     Now, I've completed grade 9. I think that since I'm older now, I can understand more. Therefore, I am a lot more aware of the risks and dangers, and I have fear. I feel like I haven't much of a clue what we'll be doing down there, and it's making me feel stressed. I have more worries and anxieties, and hesitations.
     The funny thing is, I am more prepared and understanding of what the deal will be down there than I was on my first overseas mission's trip in grade 5, but I don't remember having any fear back then. I wish I could be like that again.
     Faith like a child... hmmm.
     Now, don't get me wrong- I am beside myself with excitement as well, but it's not over-the-top-energy kind of excitement. I think I am more excited for hearing from God, and coming back closer to Him.
     I do have certain expectations. For example, I can't wait to start tearing my eyes off myself and focusing on God and others. There is a verse that says we must consider others as being better than ourselves. I can't wait to form selfless, servant-like attitudes and habits that will carry over into my everyday Three Hillian life!
     I can't wait to be awakened by the praise-filled and worshipful culture they have. It will be so neat to experience real, bold, stark praise, and where expressing your emotions is normal! It will be so refreshing, I can imagine, and I have a feeling it will be a shock and a disappointment to come back to Canada and see the dull, lifeless church worship sessions. =(
     Is it wrong to expect things like this? No, I tend to think not. I think that if we are eagerly expecting Christ to do something amazing to, in, and through us, then we will be faithfully searching for his fulfilment of those desires.
     Lord, use me. Send me. Teach me, I plead. I can't stand this repetitive and pointless cycle that I'm trapped in. Please change my thinking for good, and be with us, I pray. I love you Lord, but I'm scared. But if I have faith that you will show my so much more of yourself, then I can rest in faith that the details that seem so "out of control" are actually in your control completely. Therefore, I need not be frightened. I SO can't wait to fall more and more in love with you, that your character will be evident in my life, that I would shine for you 24/7.
Thanks for letting me be your mouthpiece... or in this case,
your dance shoes.